Documents 11 and 12

11. Introduction to mediation

Attitudes for mediators

These attitudes are relevant whenever you want to advise, in a conflict which is not your own. It may be a friend telling you about a problem on the telephone. It may an informal chat with both conflicting people. It may be a formally organised mediation session.

•   Be objective - validate both sides, even if privately you prefer one point of view, or even when only one party is present.

•   Be supportive - use caring language. Provide a non-threatening learning environment, where people will feel safe to open up.

•   No judging - actively discourage judgements as to who was right and who was wrong. Don't ask "Why did you?" Ask "What happened?" and "How did you feel?"

•   Steer process, not content - use astute questioning. Encouraging suggestions from participants. Resist advising. If your suggestions are really needed, offer as options not directives.

•   Win/win - work towards wins for both sides. Turn opponents into problem-solving partners.

Mediation Methods

Use the simple, yet effective rules from the "Fighting Fair" poster.

•   Define your mediator role as there to support both people "winning".

•   Get agreement from both people about a basic willingness to fix the problem.

•   Let each person say what the problem is for them. Check back that the other person has actually understood them.

•   Guide the conversation towards a joint problem solving approach and away from personal attack.

•   Encourage them to look for answers where everybody gets what they need.

•   Redirect "Fouls" (Name Calling, Put Downs, Sneering, Blaming, Threats, Bringing up the Past, Making Excuses, Not Listening, Getting Even). Where possible you reframe the negative statement into a neutral description of a legitimate present time concern.

Steps in Mediation

Open	Introductions and agreements Warm up, explanations, agenda if known.
Establish	1. Overview: What is the matter? Each person to express their view of the conflict, the issues and their feelings. 2. Details: What is involved? More details. Map needs and concerns. Clarify misperceptions. Identify other relevant issues. Mirroring if needed.
Move:	1. Where are they now? Identify areas of agreement. Encourage willingness to move forward. Caucus if needed. 2. Negotiation: Focus on future action. How would they like it to be? What would that take? Develop options. Trading - build wins for everyone.
Close	Completion: Contracting. Plans for the future, including appointed time to review agreement. Closing statements.

12. Broadening perspectives

Respect and value differences

Just as we are unique and special, so are other people. We all have distinctive viewpoints that may be equally valid from where we stand. Each person's viewpoint makes a contribution to the whole and requires consideration and respect in order to form a complete solution. This wider view can open our eyes to many more possibilities. It may require us to change the mind chatter that says: "For me to be right, others must be wrong."

Recognise a long term timeframe.

Consider how the problem or the relationships will look over a substantial period of time. The longer timeframe can help us be more realistic about the size of the problem we presently face.

Assume a global perspective.

If we believe that the actions of one individual are interconnected with every other individual, then we can have a sense how our actions can have meaning in conjunction with the actions of others. We can look at the overall system, which may be the family, the organisation or the society. Consider what needs this larger unit has in order to function effectively.

Deal with resistance to the broader perspective

Taking up a broader view can be scary. It may make us less certain of the rightness of our own case. We may fear that we will lose all conviction to fight for what we need. We may have to give up the security we got from the simple way we previously saw the problem. We may need courage to enter the confusion of complexity. Many fears of taking the broader perspective prove ungrounded once we analyse them carefully.

Open to the idea of changing and risk-taking

By taking a broader perspective you may be confronted with the enormity of the difficulties. Identify what you can do to affect a particular problem, even if it is only a small step in the right direction. One step forward changes the dynamics and new possibilities can open up.

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